Hi, we’re here to lead
Welcome to the home of the Council of Global Secularists! You’re probably wanting to know more so we’re going to start this off with a little introduction, framed in the style of a question and answer. You’re in bold. Feel free to read your lines with an accent, or like a pirate.
Council Of Global Secularists. What the hell?
Hi! Welcome to our site. We’re the newest self-proclaimed thought leaders of atheism, humanism, secularism, and other -isms for the world. Pleased to meet you.
But who are you?
A good question. Honestly, right now we’re a white English dude with a beard and two guinea pigs. But that’s apparently most of the diversity needed for this position, so why not? The guinea pigs are female. In the interest of transparency, it’s the human doing the typing.
I like guinea pigs and everything, but what qualifies you to declare yourself the ultimate resource for so many people from so many backgrounds?
That’s an excellent question.
Shouldn’t you have found support from people from around the globe before declaring yourself a global leader?
Look, we’re working hard on diversity, and our plan is to get a hamster and maybe a gerbil. Also some people who aren’t white or whatever.
Who’s funding this?
Is that an offer?
Well in that case, we’re running on nothing but an ironic prayer (and broccoli for the guinea pigs). Sadly, we have no rich friends.
So what are you actually going to do?
Offer opinions and expect people to listen to them. See, we’re actually the world’s best when it comes to humanist thought, and also pooping in the dried food tray. If all of the brown people from other countries just did what we told them, there would be no problems.
Well I’m convinced.
Sure. I mean, there can’t be anyone else with these concerns on the planet who are as wise as you.
That’s exactly what we thought. But anyway, our ranks are a bit slim right now. If you’d like to join, that’d be wonderful. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. With a few more humans on board, maybe we could arrange a paint ball match or something.